


Just Doing My Job

by beforeyouslipintounconsciousness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Existential Angst, F/M, M/M, Mary's single in this. John's not a thing, Past Character Death, Smoker!Cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-01
Updated: 2013-08-01
Packaged: 2017-12-22 03:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/908329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beforeyouslipintounconsciousness/pseuds/beforeyouslipintounconsciousness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the end it was Lisa who ratted him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Doing My Job

**Author's Note:**

> I said I would stop writing fan fiction. Why am I still writing fan fiction? And why am I writing fan fiction at four in the morning? My fan fiction is /bad/ at four in the morning.

   In the end it was Lisa who ratted him out. A full fucking confession on tape with a box of Kleenex balanced in her lap. Apparently the guilt of having her ex-boyfriend murdered was too much for her. Cas remembered seeing the video in court. Her eyes were rimmed red with tears and her make up trailed down her cheeks. It only made him gayer.  
  
   She told the cops literally everything that she knew, which was fair of her. She didn't lie. She told Detective Singer that she got the mirror shards idea from a text adventure app that she downloaded onto her iPhone once. She had failed to beat it and she couldn't remember the name of the app, just the plot. She told Singer that she found it clever, astoundingly so, and wondered why more murders weren't like that in real life. It wasn't an art, mirror shards. It wasn't a totem pole of bodies constructed on a beach or a woman crucified on a stag head. It was a craft; it served a function. It wasn't meant to go on display. Cas had no idea she was  _that_  batshit insane.  
  
   It didn't take the cops too long to find Cas. She had provided a name, after all, but she also said that they went to school together. With the fact that Dean used to be in the majority of his classes, it wasn't difficult to put two and two together. They came and arrested Cas right in the middle of science class. His classmates stared horrifically at him with bulging eyes as they escorted him out, but the only eyes that he would have cared about were rotting six feet under.  
  
   The truth was that Cas was so disgusted with himself that he refused to feel anything anymore. He was a shell. He had stopped eating and doing his homework and he almost never came to school. The irony that he was actually there when they decided to book him still makes him laugh to this day.  


 

* * *

  
  
  
   With the exception of the company he worked for, the existence of a partner in crime, and the kiss, Cas also gave a full confession. He had no reason to lie and he barely got a puff of his cigarette in before the entire taping was over. He told them that he was a solo cleaner and that he had killed others too. He even went as far as to play them some of his saved phone calls. The woman manning the camera wore a disgusted face the entire time and he was pretty sure it wasn't from the smell of burning tobacco.  
  
   _"Why are you telling us all of this?"_  Detective Singer had to ask. Cas was barely seventeen, living on his own, and made his money by murdering people. And he was possibly a sociopath, but what did he know about psychology?  
  
   _"Because Dean's death has made me compromise everything I've ever believed in."_  He stared Singer in the eye, blue on brown. And that was that.  


 

* * *

  
  
  
   The media made Cas look like he got his kicks by bathing in other people's blood. It had made national news and there were protests all across the country as to why he hadn't been thrown in jail for life yet. Cas couldn't give two shits as to where he was, because if Dean wasn't there with him making him feel stupid emotions then there was no reason for emotions at all. Cas had made his home at the state penitentiary amid his people; the murderers who had killed the people they loved most for ridiculous, inexcusable reasons. They seemed like nice enough fellows, but he didn't bother to talk to any of them. But not bothering to talk to anyone was how he got himself in this position in the first place.  
  
   Cas only let himself feel late at night, and he realized that he hated himself more than the English language could convey. If he could have just  _talked_ to Dean when they were thirteen and stupid, if he could have just told him how much he loved him in the first place then Lisa would have never been a thing and they could have been happy. Because straight or not Dean had kissed him back that night and it could have been a start. But Cas chose Lisa. Hindsight is much more powerful that foresight, he decided, because saying 'no' to Lisa wasn't even a thought in his mind when he was shattering hand mirrors with a mallet.  
  
   The Wii U he had purchased wasn't worth Dean's life. It still sat by the tv, unopened. He wished that one of the forensics guys that came into his apartment would just take it and make someone happy with it. As far as Cas is concerned, he didn't deserve happiness and he's nearly certain that the entirety of America and possibly some other countries agreed with that statement.

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
   The trial came sooner than Cas had expected, but he wasn't entirely sure what day it even was so it could just be him. His public defender, some dude named Henricksen, had come into his jail cell and thrown a cheap suit at him at six o clock that morning, waking him up. His public defender also made a disgusted face at him, even when Cas wasn't smoking at all. He shoved his cigs into the pocket of his rented suit and they left. They didn't stop for breakfast. His PD had learned the hard way that Cas doesn't eat or drink anything. A better person would have forced some food down his throat. A better person wouldn't have shoved mirror shards down someone's throat.  
  
   Lisa wore a pretty dress and a somber face. She was sitting right there next to him at the defendant's table. She was in trouble for coercion, and could be in just as much shit as he's in. The fact gave him no pleasure. He used to hate her, but now he only hates himself.  
  
   They showed pictures of the crime scene, of Dean, and his mother wept at the plaintiff's table. He and Lisa exchanged sullen looks. She could have been either of their mother-in-law, Cas thinks.  
  
   And then he doesn't and the trial is a blur. Lisa goes up to the stand and answers questions that he doesn't hear. They could be talking about the weather at this point for all he knew. They both made full confessions, he doesn't understand why a trial is even needed.  
  
   
  
   It takes Mrs. Winchester's lawyer three tries to get his attention and Cas goes up to the stand. He refers to him as Mr. Shurley and he doesn't like it.  
  
   "Is it true that you murdered Dean Winchester per Ms. Braeden's instructions?"  
  
   Cas lets out a laugh and pulls out his pack of cigarettes. "You haven't built a solid case, have you?" A few guilty giggles from the jury as he placed the tube of paper between his teeth. "You mind?" The attorney shakes his head no and Cas lights up. Someone opens a window.  
  
   "Mr. Shurley, isn't it true that you murdered Dean Winchester per Ms. Braeden's instructions?" He repeats, looking completely done with Cas' shit.  
  
   "Yes, it's true."  
  
   "Why?"  
  
   "I had two projects due and a utilities bill to pay that week."  
  
   "So you did it for the money?"  
  
   "Why does anyone work? The sheer pleasure of it?"  
  
   "Some do."  
  
   "Well they're the lucky ones, I suppose." And Cas gives his all not to look at Mrs. Winchester. She wasn't lucky, not anymore.  
  
   "Mr. Shurley, did you enjoy killing Dean?"  
  
   Cas' right thumbnail became excruciatingly important then. He runs his index finger over the cuticle. It is smooth but not flat and it aggravates the shit out of him. "Of course not."  
  
   "Did you enjoy killing those other seven people?"  
  
   "No. I didn't find it orgasmic or anything. I'm just  _good_  at it. It's like a talent that I have and I'm sorry if it can't be put to good use."  
  
   "You think killing people is a talent?" The lawyer sneers and hell if Cas doesn't want to slap that shit off his face.  
  
   "I think that not making messes is a talent." Cas takes a puff. "Listen, with the exception of Dean, all of those other people had it coming. Most of them were abusive ass holes with counts upon counts of both spousal and sexual abuse charges. One of them had raped an eight year old girl. These weren't innocent people. Their victims had branched out to me. They asked me for help. I don't know why they should be justified when they were scum. Don't get me wrong I'm sorry for their families, but people just can't hurt other people like that."  
  
   "So you took the law into your own hands."  
  
   "In those cases, yes. Because the law had failed the people who were hurt."  
  
   "How very noble of you." There was sarcasm in his voice.  
  
   "I don't think myself a hero. Or a serial killer."  
  
   "You're neither of those things. But you're still a murderer."  
  
   "I'm not sorry that I killed those other seven people."  
  
   "But Dean?"  
  
   "More sorry than anyone has ever been about anything."  
  
   "Why is that, Mr. Shurley?"  
  
   "I knew him."  
  
   "Really, because according to his mother and close friends, you two never even talked."  
  
   "We had a couple times. He wasn't a stranger to me."  
  
   "I think, Mr. Shurley, and I'm just thinking aloud here, that you hated him."  
  
   Cas's eyebrow raises. "You think I hated him."  
  
   "Yes. I think that you hated him because you had- or have- a thing for Ms. Braeden. So when she called you asking you to kill Dean you jumped at the chance so you could have a shot at her."

   Mrs. Winchester's lawyer looked like a mad scientist spewing out theories. Cas caught wind of Lisa, who looked at the grown man in the suit with revolusion. At him, not at Cas. Maybe she wasn't that bad after all. "I think that this was just your little scheme so that Ms. Braeden would fall in love with you."  
  
   Cas could not stop the hysterical laughter that bubbled up in his chest and filled the room. It was apparently contagious and the jury began laughing as well. Lisa had fucking lost it and PD was smirking, possibly at his opponent. Her Honor banged on a gavel and demanded order.  
  

   "Mr. Shurley, what is so funny?" She demanded to know.  
  
   Cas looked up, met eyes with a very pissed and frazzled looking attorney, and almost lost it all over again. He took a deep puff of his cigarette to calm himself down.  
  
   "I'm sorry, your Honor." He managed to say and looked back at the lawyer. "You have never been more wrong."  
  
   "Well I figured that much." He grumbled very unprofessionally.  
  
   "I never hated Dean." Cas admits, fighting back an unwarrented smile. "I wanted to marry him."  
  
   The lawyer gaped at him and muttered "no more questions". He took his seat next to Dean's mom and PD took the chance to steal, a renewed vigor in his step. He looked as if he wanted to high five Cas.  
  
   "Mr. Shurley, if I may, what do you mean by that last statement?"  
  
   "I mean that I wanted to marry him. I've been in love with Dean Winchester since I was thirteen years old. Still am, actually."  
  
   "He's gay," Cas heard Mrs. Winchester's attorney mutter in despair and it gave Cas only a little bit of hope.  
  
   "If you loved him so much, why did you kill him?"  
  
   "I already told you." Cas puffed again. "Lisa paid me five thousand dollars." He leaned past PD to get a look at Lisa. "Sorry about that, by the way." Lisa just smirked and shrugged.

 "I'm sorry, I'm really confused." PD says.  
  
  "Now you're catching on." Cas replies sardonically. "I- I didn't  _want_  to kill him. I just... I didn't see a way out of it until it was too late."  
  
   "Can you explain?"  
  
   Another puff. "Would you believe me if I told you that it just didn't occur to me to tell Lisa 'no'?"  
  
   "Seriously?" PD is pissed. "An innocent person died because you couldn't tell her 'no'?"  
  
   "Yes."  
  
   "Wow."  
  
   "I know, right."   
  
   "Objection!" Mr. Meanie Stupid Head shouted. "They're just chatting now."  
  
   "Overruled. Please continue, Mr. Henricksen."  
  
   "Thank you, your Honor. Mr. Shurley, I don't understand. Why didn't you just say 'no'?"  
  
   "I don't know. I guess could you say that I lost myself in my work."  
  
   Silence.  
  
   "Listen," Cas continued. "I have never loved anyone as much as I loved Dean. He was kind and gentle and when he looked at me he didn't look through me. I die a little every day when I think about how I could have just told him that I loved him and that would be that. He would still be alive, Mrs. Winchester wouldn't be in agony because I murdered her son, and I wouldn't hate myself for existing when he doesn't. And maybe I would even have a shot at him because right before I covered his mouth with a chloroform-soak rag I kissed him. And he kissed me back and I knew right then that that was it, I was a goner and I would never love anyone else ever again. I think that, hey, maybe we really could have been husbands and maybe had some kids and really be happy together. I die a little bit when I think that, and then I remember that I'm literally the only reason why we can't anymore. And then I die a lot."  
  
   Everyone is staring at him, Lisa gapingly and Mrs. Winchester with tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry about your son, Mrs. Winchester." He practically whispered into the microphone. And that was that.  


 

* * *

  
  
  
   "I knew, you know." Lisa said.  
  
   The first thing that popped into his mind was that orange was not Lisa's color. The second thing that popped up was that that was the gayest thing he had ever thought before. The security guard slammed the bars closed behind her. Apparently Lisa was his new cell mate. He could think of worse things.  
  
   "You knew what?" Cas asked, looking up from his book. He imagined that he was going to read it a lot for the next forty five years.  
  
   "That you had a crush on Dean."  
  
   It had been six months since Dean's death and Cas still wasn't over it. Not that he'd ever get over it, but whatevs. "You did?"  
  
   "Yeah. I noticed the way you looked at him. That was one of the reasons we broke up in the first place."  
  
   "Did he ever notice?" Cas can't help but ask.  
  
   "I doubt it. He was always so oblivious to that kind of stuff. Didn't get any of my hints when I dropped them."  
  
   "Dean Blissfully Unaware Winchester." Cas snickered.  
  
   "Yeah. He was a lousy lay, too. Had no idea what he was doing."  
  
   "Maybe he just didn't understand vaginas."  
  
   Lisa laughs. "I'm gonna take top bunk, kay?"  
  
   "It's all yours." Lisa climbs up and settles in with a sigh.  
  
   "Is this it?" She asked after a few moments.  
  
   "What?"  
  
   "Are we gonna spend the next forty five years talking about Dean?"  
  
   Cas chuckles softly. "I can think of worst existences."  
  
   Lisa goes quiet.  
  
   Cas returns to his book.  
  
  
  
   And that was that.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece I wrote for another fandom and for some reason I thought it would work very well in this fandom, too.


End file.
